finding yourself

On finding yourself again by Kailee Haong

Sometimes we get caught up in the moment, or moments. We get lost, we get stuck, we put blinders on—we don’t exactly see what’s right in front of us.

It’s in this “getting caught up-ness” where we lose sight of who we are, where we’re going, and what we’re capable of. And that’s no good.

I’m writing right now because I’ve acquiesced into this losing myself and I can see the detriment it has done, and that’s precisely why I took to the computer.

I’m a firm believer in individuality. What’s more incredible than having the world and trumping through it as you wish? Freshman year, I spent countless hours with myself. Be it playing music by the lake, walking into town, or just sitting outside and listening to everything around me. Rain, wind, snow, sun—the world was mine and I didn’t let a single day go by in which I didn’t reassure myself that the world was, in fact, mine.

Yes, we’ll meet people that make us prefer to do all of those things in the company of others, but that doesn’t mean you can’t still be an individual. That doesn’t mean you can’t curl up in your favorite chair with your favorite book and spend several hours on your own. That doesn’t mean you can’t go for walks and think about absolutely everything in the world.  No matter what occurs, you are and will always be an individual, your own person. Full of free will and not-so-good ideas, and maybe some brilliant ideas, too.

Through numerous different and unique situations, I have learned that it is crucial to love who you are, find what makes you tick, and chase after that wholeheartedly. And sometimes we need a reminder that we are fully capable of doing just that. So, for those of you who might feel a little lost or off balance right now: you can do it! I can, too.

Maybe, throughout the course of our lives, we’ve been bombarded with “everything happens for a reason,” and maybe, for the three hundredth time, we’re sick of hearing it. So here’s something a little better than the aforementioned panacea. From my absolute favorite book, and one of my absolute favorite authors: “I have always believed, and I still believe, that whatever good or bad fortune may come our way we can always give it meaning and transform it into something of value.” Siddhartha, ladies and gentlemen. I strongly suggest you give it a read. Or three.

Good things will happen to you, and bad things will, too. But by no means should the bad dictate the good. And another little reminder, often times, the bad things carry a lot of good with them. Maybe we get stuck up in a whirlpool of bad things, and it feels like we aren’t making any progress, but remember, “we are not going in circles, we are going upwards. The path is a spiral; we have already climbed many steps.”

Whatever it is that’s going on in your life right at this very moment, it’s temporary, it’s fleeting. Don’t fight what’s fighting against you, because “gentleness is stronger than severity, water is stronger than rock, love is stronger than force.” And if things are meant to be a certain way, so they shall be. It just might require some waiting.

So until then, “I can think. I can wait.” I can find myself. I can relish in the beauty and the idiosyncrasies of the world and of individuality. I can pick myself up by my metaphorical bootstraps and trudge forward.

“And all the voices, all the goals, all the yearnings, all the sorrows, all the pleasures, all the good and evil, all of them together was the world. All of them together was the stream of events, the music of life.”

Find your happy, find yourself. I’m off to do just that.